Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
