I just cut my nipple shaving
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
