UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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