even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
