i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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