I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
