If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
