So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
