The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
