Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize