you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
