I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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