i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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