The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
