gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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