I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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