Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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