the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
