Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
did you just send me my own nude
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
