i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
