Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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