That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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