Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
