She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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