I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
