omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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