haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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