I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize