They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
