i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
