Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
