i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
