I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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