god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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