they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I had to cum in my sink.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
