in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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