Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize