90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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