I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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