We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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