Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
