go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
