Don't make out with my wife yet
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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