my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
