Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
