you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
