Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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