he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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