Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
