worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
