So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
