I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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