omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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