Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
