weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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