My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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