Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize