i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
