Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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