I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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