i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to sanitize my soul.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
