So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
