i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
