so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
