I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
