You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
