My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I will be naked everywhere
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
