I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
