just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
