Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My dick has a subreddit
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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