shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
