ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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