Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
do herpes really smell.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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