Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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