I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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