As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
