I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
