I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
