She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Man, jail baloney is awful.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
