you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
