No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
