I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
