his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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