Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He? As in you personified your dick?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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