Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
