How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
